I finally got it done 🙂 Every time I accomplish something big like this, I feel this surge of pride for having overcome all the long nights and long shifts. I worked full time for more than half of grad school and I can’t believe I got through it. I remember driving home from LLU and crying – crying because I had just finished a crazy hard shift and still had hours of studying left to do at home. I remember sitting up on the parking roof top looking at the sunset, trying to clear my head, trying to find clarity and purpose for all the madness I was inflicting upon myself… I remember the anxiety I had when I was transitioning to my dream hospital from a hospital that had become a dream to me… In just two years, I could not have imagined how much change I would trek through and how painful those growing pains would actually be. But I did it 🙂 And now comes the, “now what?” Sash – you have your Master’s degree – a goal you had when you first started nursing school. Now, you’ve completed it just about three and a half…

I was giving report to the next nurse. I gave her a mini warning that this person can be temperamental and labile in their mood, but it’s nothing you can’t talk them out of. That nurse’s first question? “Do we have any medication to calm her down?” I drove home thinking about that and it disappointed me. This wasn’t the first time I heard it, but it was different this time because it came from a new nurse. You hear stories about how nurses are supposed to provide that caring touch that no one else in the hospital provides. And at least for me, I’m not in the habit of using medication as my first line in situations like that. I still believe in therapeutic communication, no matter how laughable it was to all of us in nursing school. Because the mindset is #aintnobodygottimeforthat. It’s unfortunate that we live in a generation where quick fixes are the go to for problems that have deeper roots – in life and in the hospital. It’s sad that as nurses, we sometimes rely on these quick fixes just so that our shift goes a little smoother too. It’s horrible that workflow can’t function…

The other day while working, a patient I had been caring for stopped me and said, “you look so sad.” It caught me by surprise and I was completely embarrassed. “Oh no, that’s just my face,” I joke to her, “I have a pretty serious looking resting face, but I’m not sad.” She replied saying, “Oh okay. You should smile more, you’re more pretty when you smile.” That whole day and the few days after I made extra attempts to be “smiley and happy looking.” It still bothers me that she had said that and for whatever reason it may be, I guess it bothers me that I can be so transparent with what I feel, especially nowadays. Is Sasha sad? hahaha 😛 The honest answer? Yes. Why? I have no clue. At least, it’s not something I’m fully ready to explore. If I reflect on my life, family, accomplishments, blahblahblah, I have absolutely no reason to be sad. And yet, for the past few years, moreso in the past few months, waking up has been a dragging feeling and I find myself finding ways to motivate myself, in an almost desperate manner. I sleep a little more. I eat…