As one of the most misunderstood and rarest of the Myer Briggs personality traits, nothing else describes how I feel better than the phrase, “Well that sucks, doesn’t it?”
I’ve known for a while that I am an INFJ. When I read the descriptions of my personality, I can say that 75% of what I read is true. That in itself is pretty crazy because I can’t even describe my own self. To be able to read what kind of person you are and the rationale behind why you are who you are is pretty mind blowing and even today I’m in somewhat of a denial because I don’t want to believe what I’ve read about myself.
My life as a so called INFJ is literally a living paradox. I am caught up between the feeling of doing too much or not doing enough, whether it’s with relationships or work. I often feel like I am alone or lonely, but when it gets down to it, I rarely if ever want to venture out to meet new people, or even meet the people I already know. And then of course, there’s that feeling of wanting to change the world and wanting to be a positive influence, and yet knowing that my one little life will probably amount to nothing in the grand context of all things.
Complicated? Just a little bit, huh?
It’s actually quite annoying. And since I am quite reflective, I think about all these ironies and contradictions, recognize them, and then construct some kind of action plan to change. But in the end, I don’t. Not significantly anyway. And that in itself is extremely disappointing. Because the whole cycle of wanting to change starts all over again.
To be honest, I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. All I know is that my mind is a little bit more jumbled than usual and I’m exhausted and need to write things down again. Maybe it’s that quarter life crisis kicking in? For real this time? Well, either way, it’s all not playing to well with me physically because I can’t sleep well, I can’t eat well, and I’m having a hard time giving my 100% at work.