It’s reflection time with Sasha again 😛
I’ve been rereading Eckhart Tolle’s  “A Good Earth,” and in doing so I’ve been trying to get myself out of a worldly place and more into a place where I have more security with who I am and where I am in my own spirituality.
It’s gotten to a point where I had to re-examine my own actions, in terms of how I spend my time, where I spend my money, and the people I stay close to. Let’s just say, I’ve disappointed myself in all areas and now I want to get my priorities lined up once again. This time though, I’m starting with myself.
Why? Every action I’ve made in the past 20 years of my life has been for other people. It’s not that I tend to be self-sacrificial, but more of, I don’t want to disappoint others and their happiness pretty much is more important than mine, no matter how much I end up hurting myself. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for me to let go of things that don’t go my way… cuz rarely do things every go my way, and stay that way. And even when things do go my way, they are short-lived. Â I’ve been doing things for other people so much that I’ve built this anger in me that I haven’t felt. Lately I get frustrated easily. I snap at the littlest things. And even if I don’t outwardly express my anger, inside of me I am literally destroying my own psyche. Literally, a ticking time bomb. And I don’t want myself to blow up before I do something… I’ve been denying the existence of all this negative energy, but now I really need to address it.
So what now? It’s Sasha time. I’m going to be slowly taking myself out of the world’s world and more into God’s world. I’m going to start building myself up from the inside so that I can gain confidence and courage for myself and get myself to where God wants me to be. I seriously need to grow up. Â Because God keeps putting me in situations where he uses me to build others up. That has been awesome. But I can’t stay where I am in my faith, I need to keep leveling up. I can’t help others without first helping myself. I can’t tell people to be this type of person, without being an example of what that type of person ought to be. So I need to recuperate and align myself spiritually with God so that He can more easily build me up to be who He wants me to be. And that starts with taking myself out of these environments that pull me back. It’s removing myself from these situations, at least temporarily, so that I can more easily listen to God and hear what He wants for me.
Yup. I’m not quite sure where this takes me now. But I know it’s the right thing to do. If there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s that.