When was the last time you took care of you? I have been working on different things in life… this one happens to be a really big thing for me. I am so proud of myself for being good at taking care of things, taking care of people, and anticipating problems before they even happen. I do it as a nurse, I definitely do this as a friend, or daughter, or sister, and I do it instinctively. I like that I’m good at it, and a part of me believes that I am a better person for being like this. I never realized that this kind of mindset would be somewhat of a downfall for me. For the past few years, I have experienced a darkness so deep and a despondence so tiring… I don’t like to say that I was scared. But I was. I felt trapped from the way I was feeling. It was a hopelessness that I never wish upon any human being… it was feeling pain and despair while feeling invisible to those you thought cared about you… it was wanting to find help, but also feeling that there wouldn’t be any help out there that…
-
-
My Broken Blanket
In my small group last week, I shared something I don’t usually share with others. Just a while ago, I had to hide a bunch of my old posts. They were the reflective, depressing, conflicted posts that I posted on here once in a while… they were therapeutic in the moment, but they were quite sad when I reread them. They went back as far as the very beginning of this blog site in 2009… I guess I didn’t realize that I was probably having a bunch of problems that were a lot deeper. The past two to three years have been hard for me and this past year was probably the most mentally challenging. So for the first time, I looked for help. Going back to my small group, one of the last questions we discussed was on the notion of letting go and how we know when that is the right time… this entire past year I’ve struggled with maintaining my friendships and trying to open myself and ready myself for potential new relationships… as a result of my own problems, I’ve pushed a lot of people I care about away… at the same time, the people I…
-
Perfect Timing
It’s been about a month now? I officially started my new job and this week was my first full week on my own. I moved away from a job and workplace that I already loved to a place that is building on that love and passion I have for my career. I won’t lie, I was completely burned out by my last job – I felt under-appreciated, taken for granted… but to say that they didn’t build me up in the right way to succeed the way I am in my current workplace? There are no words that can help say how grateful I am to have started there first, to have grown there and to have met the amazing people I did to help shape the kind of nurse I’m growing to be. I’ve moved from one dream job to another and I am so thankful, because the timing of everything has been perfect, as it always has been. For me, in every transition I like to think that I pray a lot. I pray for courage and guidance, I pray for a sign… this time was no different. And it really seems like in every part of my…
-
God First
Today was our first service under our new pastor 🙂 I have to be completely honest, I have been doubtful that he could fit the proverbial shoes of his predecessor, PK. But today, I was pleasantly surprised. Seems like doesn’t have to fill PK’s shoes, he has his own. What I loved most about how he carried out his first sermon as senior pastor is that he gave time to acknowledge that the church is and will be going through a grieving period and will be mourning the loss of a leader that has meant a lot to the entire congregation. He felt that way too. What I was surprised of, which I should have never been surprised about, is how God has been in control of the church and has been working in and through the people around the church to take care of its members. He shared the story of how PK was the one who had baptized him 20 years ago during his first service as senior pastor of EBCLA. He also shared that He didn’t want to stay at EBCLA, but was led through PK’s wife to stay and grow at this church. The way everything…
-
PK
After 36 years of service, my pastor has retired. I’m terribly sad but also grateful that I’ve had the chance to be a part of the congregation he has ministered to, because my life and my faith has changed so much because of him. I started going to Evergreen at the end of high school. I joined their basketball ministry to play with some of my friends and it was a requirement that we attend their services. By the time I was in college, I made the decision on my own to leave my previous church, a church I spent my whole life growing up in, to move to EBCLA. It wasn’t really a bold decision. I made excuses not to go to church and even when I did, I made myself busy with media ministry that I never was fed by God’s word and could never really “worship.” In all honesty, at that point I was discouraged, confused, and extremely angry. There was so much hypocrisy and to add to that, I felt like an outsider in a church that I spent my whole life in – and it hurt so much to feel rejected in a place where…