There was something that my pastor said this past Sunday that gave me an “AHA” moment. It wasn’t even something that he was emphasizing, it wasn’t even a point on his message. But it was about change. He said that when leading change, you also need to lead people through the grief over change. People are moving away from their normal, their comfort zone, their security. Even though the forthcoming change may be a brighter and better chapter in his or her life, it requires that we let go of what we once held on to, it requires moving away from what we were once comfortable with. And that, that is not an easy thing to do for anyone.
So that got me thinking over the last few months and the change that I was experiencing in my life, the grief I was apparently in and the hesitancy I had over embracing the change I was going through. I had not realized that the sadness I was feeling was attributed to this change in my life, but reflecting back on it, I realize that’s exactly what was happening. Friends left and right were starting to work. I thought that I was sad because I didn’t have a job yet. It might also have been sadness over the fact that I wouldn’t be able to stay in touch with them as easily as I did in school. It might have been a fear that I would drift away from them the same way I did with past friends. My life felt like it was at a standstill. Nothing eventful was happening and nothing in particular felt like it was changing. But the emotions I felt at the time, with the constant rejections, they were all building me up mentally and emotionally for the next chapter in my life and forcing me to be a different kind of person. I feel like it was God giving me time to work on myself and help me grow in ways that no other experience would be able to do.
The change that I was going through was making me sad and I was grieving the kind of life that I was about to leave. The bottom line is, I thought that each event I was experience was a negative experience in my life. I thought that it was something that was going to break me or discourage me and I’m sure I was resisting and grieving the change that was already occurring. But it was also just me trying to adjust to the changes that were occurring in my life. It was me trying to acclimate myself to new friends, colleagues, environments, and challenges.
I never realized that grief could come with change. Even now, with this realization, even as I feel stronger and more confident in myself, I still feel like I’m grieving over the life I had just a few months ago. I’m still grateful though. As I work towards building friendships to be stronger and leaving others that I thought would always be a part of my life, I know that each person I’ve been close with has shaped me to be the kind of friend and individual that I am today. As I work towards my career goals and leave the life of nurturing professors I had in nursing school, I know that I have experienced and built that foundation I need to be a great nurse and future leader. As I work on myself to be wiser and stronger and leaving my old self that was timid and insecure, I know that even though I am nowhere near perfect, I am growing to be a God-centered and respectful individual that people can rely on and trust.
Change is hard. It’s inevitable, unwavering, and unmerciful. But change is the only constant in life. To hold on to the hope that everything remains the same… that is a mistake and a type of ignorance I will not tolerate in my life.