I was just thinking, out of all the big things that have happened in my life, I feel like they were things I didn’t want.
1. College: I didn’t want to go to my school. Nope. Nope. Nope. I wanted the feeling of going to a well-known and prestigious college, I wanted to dorm, I wanted to see what it would be like to live away from home for a little bit. NOPE. Went to my back-up college that was 15 minutes away from home.
2. Career: As I’ve said before, I’ve always wanted to be in the medical profession, but nursing was always something I was hesitant about. I felt pushed by outside factors to choose this profession for the financial stability, flexibility, and the fact that even if bedside nursing doesn’t work out, there’s a crapload of other nursing related jobs that I could fall back on.
3. Hospital: The place I work at is 55 miles away from home. I commute to work each day. It wasn’t my first choice at all and it was one of those situations where I heard about a hiring event, said hey, what do I have to lose (a.k.a. this is my last hope), and got hired on the spot. I’m tired every time I come home and my gas bill isn’t very pretty.
4. Unit: The unit I’m training on is on the notorious 6th floor. Nurses have warned me to stay away. As a PCA working on that unit, I’ve never felt more like a chicken with it’s head cut off. Busiest nights of my life, and now even more busy days so far.
Even though these things weren’t in my plan, it turns out they were all for the better.
I didn’t realize it, but my college and nursing program prepared me well enough for my career AND it was affordable. I’m working with nurses that are still working on paying off their loans and here I am starting to save for my Master’s.
With my career, where do I even begin. I’m happy with my career. It’s not even contentment, it’s happiness. As a PCA, I already felt like I was making a difference. But now as a nurse, with all the extra responsibilities, I really feel like I’m fulfilling a purpose? If that’s the right word to phrase it? I feel like I’m contributing to society? I don’t know. I just know that I’m doing good work and I’m making a difference, even if it’s just a little.
And now for my hospital. There were 4 other hospitals I interviewed with. For a couple of them, I was dying to work at and knew I absolutely, positively wanted in. I think those two rejections hurt the most. But I am really content with where I’m working today. Yeah, there’s new grads on every unit on every shift and I’m sure nurses with 5 years or less experience outnumber the experienced nurses like crazy. They make mistakes and this hospital doesn’t have the nice shiny equipment I’ve worked with before. But the attitude and working culture make it all worth it. I’m comfortable with the nurses I work with and looking back, I don’t think I ever was in other clinical rotations and other hospitals. At least, not this much. Everyone is approachable, everyone appreciates each other. I can easily walk into my director’s office and talk to her. I can email my supervisor about the day I’m having on the unit. And for my educator, she bombards her emails with smiley faces. I don’t think I have to say anything else about that.
As for my unit. Well, I really didn’t want to work or train or get anywhere close to this floor because it’s hard. But the opinion of one ICU nurse changed my whole perspective on it. Yes, it’s hard. The patients are crazy, combative, and most come straight from ICU. Just yesterday I helped transfer in a cancer patient with bilateral chest tubes, bilateral nephrostomies, an orogastric tube, stage 2 and unstageable pressure ulcers, third spacing like no other patient I’ve seen and swollen like crazy, blind in one eye AND, wait for it, she was full code. I was crying on the inside because I was happy I didn’t have to take her on as a nurse because I’m not ready. But this, this is going to make me a better nurse. I’m going to get good experience and if I still want to get into ICU, I have a better foundation than if I would have gone straight into ICU like I wanted.
Nothing I ever wanted ever turned out the way I wanted. But things turned out for the better. I didn’t like the process, but my goodness, I’m happy with the results 🙂 There’s a reason for everything, there’s a reason you don’t get what you want. I’m still struggling with certain things but I have faith it’ll all work out in the end :)))