(FYI: This post is super duper long.)
Congratulations Sasha on having your first mental breakdown as a nurse 😛
AHHHHH! So here was my patient list yesterday:
#1: ETOH withdrawal, hallucinating, restrained on all 4 extremities. Never knew the location, what day/time it was, and didn’t even recognize spouse. Needed anti-anxiety meds every 2 hours based on 20 point assessment scale that also needed to be done before giving the med.
#2: Terminally ill. Nonverbal the entire stay. Nurses weren’t able to recognize that patient might have been stroking out the day/night before because she’s been so unresponsive. CT’s and MRI’s all day. Neurology, neurosurgery, hematology, oncology, nephrology and palliative care teams writing out orders almost every 30 minutes, meds to give hourly, in and out of her room 3 times for procedures. Always had something abnormal to report/chart. I couldn’t keep up.
#3: Had this one for 3 days. Kept asking for pain medication. Has a history of pain med seeking. Just had surgery, so no doubt patient was in pain. But patient has built a tolerance, needs higher dosage now just to keep comfortable since the body’s built a tolerance. Rudest person I’ve ever dealt with, and I had a really hard time sympathizing and holding my patience. Oh, and patient had a nephrostomy and ileostomy that needed to be emptied almost every 3 hours, and a midline abdominal incision that needed dressing changes every 4.
This is an intermediate (stepdown/direct observation) list, so nurse to patient ratio is 1:3. I need to chart every 2 hours for all 3 patients and do focused assessments, give meds the whole day, work with PT/OT, speech therapy, and the MD’s. I think I talked to 5 different teams yesterday and was on the phone with wound care, MD’s, ECG techs, etc.
The frustration/relief I felt at the end of my shift left me so emotional. There’s so much I don’t know. My prioritization/time management for the day was horrible. I never had a break to think about what I was doing, it was just task after task after task. I didn’t have time to question orders either, I just followed them. I didn’t know how to anticipate things. And nothing irritates me more than having to tell someone, “I don’t know, but let me find out for you.”
So where was my preceptor? Lol. Well, I kept telling her I could handle it, because what is the Sasha mentality? Suck it up and step up, or sit on the bench. So even though I was extremely overwhelmed after only 5 hours of work, I kept thinking, okay after this you’ll have a little break to catch up. You’ll be okay.. if you can handle this, this proves something big not just to your preceptor, but to yourself. And when your mentors keep telling you that “you’re doing great, you’re way better than other people that I’ve trained..” you kinda build an ego. But by 12, I was drowning and I never got that “break” that I needed to catch up with my work. There was too much to do and I had to let go of my pride.
I had a super long talk with my preceptor after work hehe Lot’s of venting and omgulay, I was emotional lol Do you know how hard it is to look someone in the eye when you’re trying so hard not to choke up and cry?? haha omgoodness. Sasha doesn’t cry in front of people 😛 Lots of throat clearing and eye wandering and looking up hahaha
But for real, nursing is no joke. And as hard as yesterday was, dealing with the family was a challenge as well. Do you know how hard it is to see your loved one go through ETOH withdrawal? I don’t. Spouse was crying at bedside and I didn’t know what to say, nor did I have the time to say something encouraging because I had to take care of another patient. Do you know how hard it is to see your loved one in pain? I don’t. As much pain as that patient was in, having a loved one hold their hand made that person stop using her call light for 3 hours… I had no clue what to do when that family member started to cry as well.
And the most important thing lol I didn’t get my break until 3:30! And they forced the break on me, I didn’t even want to take a break yet  X__X  My gulay. My day starts at 6:30am. I was so busy that I didn’t eat for 9 hours. I squeezed in a potty break though, if that’s any consolation. That was kinda forced on me too though cuz my bladder was about to explode.
What the heck did I get myself into? hehehe that’s what all the nurses on the floor tell me and now I understand why in nursing school all the nurses question why I wanted to become a nurse 😛 Despite all of that, the crazy thing is, I still want to show up to work on Monday 🙂 Nursing, the hardest job you’ll ever love? For now, yes. Well see how long that sentiment lasts. I know experiences like this make me better, and I’m grateful for that at least, despite the stress.
Vent over! Finally! I kinda want to remember today and I’m sure I will remember today for a really long time. I pushed myself and kinda broke down, but I feel a bit stronger after having survived all that 🙂