It’s March and do you know what that means? It’s application season! I’m starting to compile all the New Grad programs that I want to try to get into and I’m rushing to finalize my resumes and letters of recommendation and cover letters and all those other things I need to apply…
It’s stressful because I want to apply everywhere. I want to maximize my chances of getting into a program and I’m going to do whatever it takes. But now that I reflect back on that mindset, I’m starting to hesitate. Am I really a good fit for this hospital? Is this somewhere I can see myself working in for the next 5 years? What can I offer this hospital that other new grads can’t?? To be good enough for these huge hospitals is my conundrum and I’m hesitating on whether or not I should apply to them when my decision to do so is half-hearted..
After all, to choose any path half-heartedly and to have that much doubt is almost like saying you wouldn’t want to pursue that path, right? In basketball, if I had any hesitation in my shot, I knew to stop that shot because I knew it wouldn’t go in. If it wasn’t in rhythm or if it didn’t feel right, I had to pass it to someone else so that the next time the ball came to me I would be in rhythm and I would be ready to take the high percentage shot that I could take. Isn’t it the same in life? If I hesitate doesn’t it mean that I’m not ready? Shouldn’t I feel more sure of myself? Why am I not??
So now I’ve been thinking thinking thinking…. and now that I’ve been thinking about it, I had to apply another one of Sasha’s “basketball life lessons.” Even though I wouldn’t take a shot that didn’t feel right, or a shot that I hesitated, I also know that I’m going to miss 100% of the shots that I don’t take. If I pass the ball now, who knows when I will get the same opportunity to try and score. Right now, I’m worried that I won’t be a good fit, but right now I also don’t even know what kind of nurse God wants me to be. I’m just going with the flow of His will and my decisions to pre-emptively decide what I want instead of what God wants is pretty selfish.
What does this jibber jabber mean?? It’s back to Plan A and Operation Apply Everywhere 😛 I’ll continue applying to all the New Grad programs available. I’ll keep researching and finding hospitals that are going to provide a good clinical foundation for me so that I can be a great nurse. I don’t know what’s in store for me and I still don’t know where God wants me to be exactly. But God has paved the way for me my entire life and to doubt Him now after all He has done for me would be foolish.