One of the easiest and hardest things to develop in any relationship is trust. It’s one of life’s paradoxes. But there are a few obvious things I want to point out…
1) Don’t be afraid to trust someone.
With any person’s history, this can be extremely difficult. For me, it’s still a struggle. It’s also often a defense mechanism to put up walls for people to work to break down so that we don’t experience the hurt that we’ve felt in the past. But here’s my two cents. Don’t be afraid to trust. It is overwhelming, frustrating, and tiring putting up walls. Believe me, I’ve done it my entire life. It takes a lot of effort to maintain these walls as well. And guess what else? In a relationship where we need to extend trust, it’s not the person who extends the trust who is at fault, it is the one who breaks it… it’s the person who did not value the relationships in the first place, it’s the person who took you for granted, it’s the person who did not realize how important your trust is in the first place. So I offer this advice to comfort you and to show you that trusting others can be easier than you think it is. And you really need to look at it from a perspective that first of all, good people usually don’t hurt you on purpose, second, we are all human who will probably make a lot of mistakes, and lastly, the value of a real relationship is greater than any mistake a person can make.
2) It takes real effort to develop and maintain trust.
Trust can be easy, as I said. But it takes effort to maintain. If in a relationship you don’t work to maintain the respect and trust you have with each other, the relationship becomes superficial. It’s nothing more than the expectation you have when you go to the doctor’s office, where you trust that the doctor will provide you the necessary assessment, diagnosis, and intervention to help you when you get sick. It becomes service for service instead of growth and intimacy. You see, to trust is easy in the beginning. But to grow in trust, it’s a little bit harder. In almost every situation, you extend a little more of yourself to the other party. You expose more and more layers to help understand each other more. You share unique experiences with each other as well. Sometimes, as we get to know each other more, we move in one of two directions: closer or farther. And this is that crumby part of life because people can become so close, and the next day become strangers. But what did I say before? Don’t be afraid to trust. Don’t be afraid to open yourself up. You will never be at fault if you work to maintain trust in your relationships even if you end up growing apart.
3) Trust is easy to break.
Of course, this is obvious. Trust is easy to break. But this is why we need #2, why we need that effort to maintain trust, to build it, and to value it. Because in the end, since we are so human and since our instinct is to never trust another person after that trust is broken, a trust that has been built over years and years can break apart so easily. That value that we put on the relationship, the person, and trust in itself is what helps us make the relationship stronger, it is what makes relationships worthwhile.
So, what is the moral of this tirade? In life and in living we will have different relationships. In my opinion, life is all about the relationships that we build and it is the relationships that we cultivate that are more meaningful than any material or superficial gain that one achieves in their lifetime. The trust and relationships we develop in our lives are the underestimated and undervalued secret of a great life. I challenge you to think about this, to think about the relationships you have in your life with friends, family and loved ones and I challenge you to step up to mend those relationships, to help these relationships get to the next level, or to start a new one if the opportunity arises.