Just a couple of weeks ago I briefly talked about what has been posing as my motivation for my ambition as a nurse. The notion of “why” was like a bothersome fly hovering around my face for what has felt like ages, and even today, that fly is still tirelessly buzzing around my head. I started class again this week for my final year of graduate school. Guess what’s the title of my education class’s main text reading? “Understanding Motivation.”
I still don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing. In many ways, it seems like this notion of being busy and being kept busy by “ambition” is what society deems as the norm. I hate to say it but it’s almost like I don’t even want to do anything anymore and have lost sight of what is important to me. If I were to be honest with myself, I’m so so tired. In the beginning of all of this, I always tried to find rest so that I would never feel depleted and my energy would consistently be repleted. But here I am. Two and a half years into my career and I’m fighting the ideas that I am doing way too much and not enough at the same time – and I’m exhausted.