It’s a cloudy day. Nice weather for taking a walk. So I walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. I feel the wind rush by my face in the other direction, like it was in a hurry to find something I had left behind. I start smiling at the thought of my past, my experiences, my youth, the things I left behind, the people I left behind….. and my life. I smile at the thought that as I walk forward, I leave all those experience behind, or rather, I use those experiences to help me put one step in front of the other. Yes, I smile, but I keep walking. For once, my past is behind me. It no longer pulls at me when I pretend I’m okay, it no longer stops me from walking forward, it no longer reminds me of what I lack but instead it reminds me of who I have become in spite of it all. I sigh a big sigh of relief at being free from all the pain and misery I burdened myself with and I smile. The sun is coming out, it is peeking out from the clouds. It’s radiance and warmth gently touch my face.…

Close your eyes. Be still. Concentrate on being quiet. Forget everything that is going around you. Now open your eyes. Today, I spent a lot of time thinking. In this time of contemplation I desperately tried to resolve some of the issues I have, trust issues. For some reason, I don’t think that high of myself. I don’t trust myself enough to let love in, and I don’t trust anyone enough to give it away. So how do I resolve this? Today, I spent too much time thinking. I spent so much time thinking of all the painful things that have happened and all the painful things that I’ve held on to that I started crying. Why I have put all this pressure and pain on myself, I don’t really know. But I hope I resolve it soon because I feel I’m going to explode. Tomorrow, I’m going to take a step back. I often think ahead, plan for my future, plan for anything that might go unplanned. Tomorrow, I’m going to take a step back and take a deep breath. I have so much to do. I have so little time. I need to rest, I need to rest,…

If I should have a daughter… Instead of “Mom”, she’s going to call me “Point B.” Because that way she knows that no matter what happens, At least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the backs of her hands So that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.” And she’s going to learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach, but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried. “And baby,” I’ll tell her,…

It’s my birthday!!! Yayyy!!! And I’m spending it writing a new post =] No, well, yes, but that wasn’t my whole day. Anywhooo, I’m 20!! Last week my friends Zeth, Martha, Gloria, Michele, and Richard surprised me with a lunch and chocolate cake at school. LOL they were so funny. Apparently, they had been planning it for a while, and I kind of knew they were planning something, but I let them think nothing was up. So we meet up with Richard after Psych and he’s holding sodas, and said, Zeth told me to bring them for later. LOL he didn’t know I didn’t know about the surprise party. And then Michele here couldn’t look me in the eye for the longest time. Lunch time finally came along and Gloria and Michele went to go get something from their car. They come back and randomly say, let’s go outside, it’s hot in here. LOL it was fine, but I went with it and SURPRISE!! Out by the patio was a Porto’s cake and sandwiches for lunch =] Even though I knew they were planning something, I was soooo happy. They really made the transitions into the twenties a good and…

NAILS IN THE FENCE There once was a little boy who had a bad temper…. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day  the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence… Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily  gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his  father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nailfor each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days  passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father  took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, ‘You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will  never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just…