Exactly one year ago, I stepped into that smelly old auditorium with my bright yellow folder in hand, fear and excitement in the other, while still holding a multitude of expectations and plans in my mind. Of course I came in with expectations, but at the same time, I had none at all. This was the beginning, and nothing had excited me nor has anything made me feel more proud of myself that sitting with that exclusive group of people. Nothing. Exactly one year ago, I was a first year nursing student. I had no idea what I was in for. Exactly one year later, I carry the same fear and excitement I held that first day of orientation. This time I feel more ready, more inspired, and more determined to prove that I can be better. Nursing, it’s hard. Nursing school has proven to be much harder. Now, I have amazing friends to support me. Now, I am motivated by a passion I don’t quite remember ever having before, and this feeling, it is a sign of change that I feel I have been missing for a while. I’m changing. I’m growing. I feel it. I am not the…

This week, I have struggled too much. There is this concept in my mind that I have struggled with ever since becoming a Christian. It is the question, am I good enough? Am I worthy? And if I am, why do I feel the opposite, all the time? I think the reason this problem is reappearing is due to the fact that I don’t feel good enough with my friends, with my studies, with my family, and especially in my faith. I don’t feel I am worth the attention my friends have given me. I don’t feel that I am working hard enough at school, which is leading me to feel inadequate as a student nurse. I don’t feel that I am giving the proper attention my family needs as I struggle to balance everything that is on my plate right now. And in my faith, despite all of the messages of worth, I still feel unworthy of the love and kindness Jesus Christ has given me. I always feel the need to earn it, even though it has been graciously given, even before I accepted Christ. This recurring struggle I have made its way into my prayers again. I…

As I smugly look back at the summer I have experienced so far, there are too many instances that have brought such joy to my heart. Such a warmth should be experienced by all, because it is such a motivating and encouraging feeling. But of course, the pendulum swings both ways, for as much warmth as I have felt, I have also felt a brief coldness and darkness. There have been many firsts. And these bring smiles to my face even as I think of them right now. First best friends. First road trip. Family outings. Mini adventures. Foodie getaways. I feel as if nothing could bring me more happiness.  I have closed myself to these experiences for so long. Maybe it’s because of a lack of trust within myself, or a lack of trust with the past people around me. Nevertheless, my walls have been breaking down and the thought of it is bringing an immense feeling of hesitancy as the insecurities I have developed have instilled in me a kind of defense mechanism that is making me draw back quickly. It scares me because I can’t take anything back. I’ve opened myself up already. My best friends, they…

Dear God, Thank you for this day. Thank you for this life. I may not always recognize the goodness you have brought to my life, and for that I am truly sorry. I come to you today with humility and shame for the distance I have yet created between us, and for the shameful sprint back to you. I realize this is becoming a pattern, but as I have said before, I am ready to change, this time with You, and not by myself. I often come to You for strength, wisdom and guidance. That will never change. But to day after reading Your Word, I Have been reminded to recognize the needs of others outside of my own reality. Lord I pray for those who are tired. This world has become more and more difficult to live in and I pray that You give those who are weary the strength in You. I pray for the unbelievers Lord who resist Your path in exchange for worldly possessions for I know they have not experienced real love and satisfaction, love that only You can provide. Lastly, I pray for all the believers to remain true to You and to find…

Nothing feels worse than knowing after the fact that you could’ve worked harder or you could have done more or you could have made a greater effort than you did. Remember that feeling when it’s late at night and you can’t keep your eyes open anymore. Remember that feeling when you want to take another break, even when you know you’ve already had one too many. Remember that feeling when nothing else will motivate you to open your notes. Stay disciplined and strong; you’ll thank yourself later. There is no easy way to the top of the mountain, so don’t expect to be the best without putting in the effort.