It’s a new year again. After many failed resolutions, a difficult 2018, and a fuzzy future, I decided to look at the new year slightly different. The theme? New Year, Know You. The “You” takes on a double meaning, alluding to the “You” which is me, and the “You” which is God. I have accomplished many goals that I thought would take a little longer to complete and this past year, despite being very proud of my accomplishments, I found myself very lost and a bit disappointed. I thought that I would be something or someone else after accomplishing my nursing goals, I thought I would be a better person or a better nurse. I didn’t feel either. So my next step is shaping me into a stronger and more confident me. I really believe that I’ve always known what kind of person I am, what I stand for, and who I want to be. While it is a slow back and forth process, I do believe that day by day I get closer to what I envision myself to be. So while it isn’t really a new goal, I want to get back to reinforcing and strengthening the “me” that…
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MSN.ED
I finally got it done 🙂 Every time I accomplish something big like this, I feel this surge of pride for having overcome all the long nights and long shifts. I worked full time for more than half of grad school and I can’t believe I got through it. I remember driving home from LLU and crying – crying because I had just finished a crazy hard shift and still had hours of studying left to do at home. I remember sitting up on the parking roof top looking at the sunset, trying to clear my head, trying to find clarity and purpose for all the madness I was inflicting upon myself… I remember the anxiety I had when I was transitioning to my dream hospital from a hospital that had become a dream to me… In just two years, I could not have imagined how much change I would trek through and how painful those growing pains would actually be. But I did it 🙂 And now comes the, “now what?” Sash – you have your Master’s degree – a goal you had when you first started nursing school. Now, you’ve completed it just about three and a half…
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Professor M?
It’s not a secret that I don’t like public speaking. And it’s pretty ironic since I chose the path of education for my graduate degree, where I’ll probably have to do a lot of that. A week before I needed to present my lecture, I got to talking to one of my patients, who conveniently used to coach performers and singers on improving their “presence”. As we got to talking, she started to probe into the reasons why I lacked so much confidence, when it seemed evident to her that there was so much I wanted to offer my students. I even had to practice in front of her! She gave me the most solid advice that I didn’t even know I needed… She said, you need to believe that what you’re saying is important and the things you want to pass on are what they need to be good nurses. *cue mike drop* Obvious, right? I’m about to graduate with my Master’s and before deciding on this path, this was exactly the reason why I chose this part of nursing – because I wanted new nurses and nursing students to know not only the challenges of this profession, but…
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What Motivates You? Part II
Just a couple of weeks ago I briefly talked about what has been posing as my motivation for my ambition as a nurse. The notion of “why” was like a bothersome fly hovering around my face for what has felt like ages, and even today, that fly is still tirelessly buzzing around my head. I started class again this week for my final year of graduate school. Guess what’s the title of my education class’s main text reading? “Understanding Motivation.” I still don’t know why I’m doing what I’m doing. In many ways, it seems like this notion of being busy and being kept busy by “ambition” is what society deems as the norm. I hate to say it but it’s almost like I don’t even want to do anything anymore and have lost sight of what is important to me. If I were to be honest with myself, I’m so so tired. In the beginning of all of this, I always tried to find rest so that I would never feel depleted and my energy would consistently be repleted. But here I am. Two and a half years into my career and I’m fighting the ideas that I am…
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Nurse’s Touch
I was giving report to the next nurse. I gave her a mini warning that this person can be temperamental and labile in their mood, but it’s nothing you can’t talk them out of. That nurse’s first question? “Do we have any medication to calm her down?” I drove home thinking about that and it disappointed me. This wasn’t the first time I heard it, but it was different this time because it came from a new nurse. You hear stories about how nurses are supposed to provide that caring touch that no one else in the hospital provides. And at least for me, I’m not in the habit of using medication as my first line in situations like that. I still believe in therapeutic communication, no matter how laughable it was to all of us in nursing school. Because the mindset is #aintnobodygottimeforthat. It’s unfortunate that we live in a generation where quick fixes are the go to for problems that have deeper roots – in life and in the hospital. It’s sad that as nurses, we sometimes rely on these quick fixes just so that our shift goes a little smoother too. It’s horrible that workflow can’t function…