I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is that is pushing me so hard to work so much. Why am I so fixed on accomplishing this long list of goals? Why do I want to? What do I get out of it when I finish? I was talking to my dad about this because I’ve been complaining of feeling down… but what if all this depression is self-inflicted? That brought me back to thinking about why it is I want to have so many things done in such a short period of time. It was my 5 year goal to have my Master’s degree, to be specialized as a nurse, to be a preceptor and to rise one level in my clinical ladder. It’s been 3 years and I’m set to accomplish all that I’ve set myself up to be by next year. But now I’m thinking, now what? Is it worth it? Have you changed? Are you better or worse that when you first started out? This begs the question of whether my ambition (more of an insecurity, really) has made me a better or worse person. Because today, if you asked me how I feel about…
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Poker Face
The other day while working, a patient I had been caring for stopped me and said, “you look so sad.” It caught me by surprise and I was completely embarrassed. “Oh no, that’s just my face,” I joke to her, “I have a pretty serious looking resting face, but I’m not sad.” She replied saying, “Oh okay. You should smile more, you’re more pretty when you smile.” That whole day and the few days after I made extra attempts to be “smiley and happy looking.” It still bothers me that she had said that and for whatever reason it may be, I guess it bothers me that I can be so transparent with what I feel, especially nowadays. Is Sasha sad? hahaha 😛 The honest answer? Yes. Why? I have no clue. At least, it’s not something I’m fully ready to explore. If I reflect on my life, family, accomplishments, blahblahblah, I have absolutely no reason to be sad. And yet, for the past few years, moreso in the past few months, waking up has been a dragging feeling and I find myself finding ways to motivate myself, in an almost desperate manner. I sleep a little more. I eat…
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Perfect Timing
It’s been about a month now? I officially started my new job and this week was my first full week on my own. I moved away from a job and workplace that I already loved to a place that is building on that love and passion I have for my career. I won’t lie, I was completely burned out by my last job – I felt under-appreciated, taken for granted… but to say that they didn’t build me up in the right way to succeed the way I am in my current workplace? There are no words that can help say how grateful I am to have started there first, to have grown there and to have met the amazing people I did to help shape the kind of nurse I’m growing to be. I’ve moved from one dream job to another and I am so thankful, because the timing of everything has been perfect, as it always has been. For me, in every transition I like to think that I pray a lot. I pray for courage and guidance, I pray for a sign… this time was no different. And it really seems like in every part of my…
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God First
Today was our first service under our new pastor 🙂 I have to be completely honest, I have been doubtful that he could fit the proverbial shoes of his predecessor, PK. But today, I was pleasantly surprised. Seems like doesn’t have to fill PK’s shoes, he has his own. What I loved most about how he carried out his first sermon as senior pastor is that he gave time to acknowledge that the church is and will be going through a grieving period and will be mourning the loss of a leader that has meant a lot to the entire congregation. He felt that way too. What I was surprised of, which I should have never been surprised about, is how God has been in control of the church and has been working in and through the people around the church to take care of its members. He shared the story of how PK was the one who had baptized him 20 years ago during his first service as senior pastor of EBCLA. He also shared that He didn’t want to stay at EBCLA, but was led through PK’s wife to stay and grow at this church. The way everything…
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PK
After 36 years of service, my pastor has retired. I’m terribly sad but also grateful that I’ve had the chance to be a part of the congregation he has ministered to, because my life and my faith has changed so much because of him. I started going to Evergreen at the end of high school. I joined their basketball ministry to play with some of my friends and it was a requirement that we attend their services. By the time I was in college, I made the decision on my own to leave my previous church, a church I spent my whole life growing up in, to move to EBCLA. It wasn’t really a bold decision. I made excuses not to go to church and even when I did, I made myself busy with media ministry that I never was fed by God’s word and could never really “worship.” In all honesty, at that point I was discouraged, confused, and extremely angry. There was so much hypocrisy and to add to that, I felt like an outsider in a church that I spent my whole life in – and it hurt so much to feel rejected in a place where…