You call me out upon the waters The great unknown where feet may fail And there I find You in the mystery In oceans deep My faith will stand And I will call upon Your name And keep my eyes above the waves When oceans rise My soul will rest in Your embrace For I am Yours and You are mine This song was my mantra and also the song that kept me sane all throughout the times I was experiencing my lowest lows throughout 2014 and I’m sure I’ll continue to use it whenever I need a little encouragement. The rejections I mentioned before, a few disappointments here and there, times where I’ve lost faith in myself… every single time I felt beside myself, I’d listen to this song. I’ve probably listened to this a thousand times. I’d take hour long walks after dinner and just put this on repeat. When I couldn’t talk to anyone or just wanted to be by myself, I’d put my headphones on, lock myself in my room and pretend to sleep while I listened to this song until I actually fell asleep. Whenever I drove anywhere, the radio would either be off, or…

It’s New Year’s Eve and it’s that time again where I reflect and look back on the year in its entirety. I’ve endured a lot this year, a lot of things that I’ve planned for years has finally been accomplished like graduating, passing boards and finding a job. And then there were other things along the way that I never could have planned for, like continuous rejections, feeling incredibly isolated, losing touch with a few friends, finding new friends, and feeling doubt and fear about my future beyond anything else I’ve ever experienced. Some things in life don’t go as you expect, and even if you carry a perspective of flexibility and understanding, there are still things that you don’t always readily accept or easily comprehend no matter how much you prepare. I’ve relied so much on faith to get me through some of my tougher seasons and to kind of look back on how much I’ve gone through and to see how different I am from the starting line, I can’t help but look up to God and shyly smile and say, I know it was all for this, I shouldn’t have ever doubted in the first place. Even though I’m still…

I was thinking about all the relationships/friendships I’ve had over the years. I was thinking of the ones I’ve maintained, the ones I’ve let fall apart, and the ones I’ve purposefully distanced myself from. I keep thinking, how is it that in my whole life, I haven’t been able to keep friends close? Why do I always push them away?? Is it a trust thing? What is it?? First of all, I hate to think that it’s a trust issue. I learned a long time ago that if you don’t trust people, inherently it means that you don’t trust yourself. I learned to think that it’s okay to keep trusting others because if they disappoint you, the one at fault is the one who broke the trust, not you (for the most part). You should never be hard on yourself from trusting others. But it’s just so hard! Who likes to be disappointed? Not me. Who doesn’t feel hurt when certain expectations aren’t met? I’m pretty sensitive. It’s a bit embarrassing. But seriously, even in carrying this mindset, I still feel the need to distance myself  from anyone who hurts me, I still struggle to completely forgive and let go,…

Entitlement. Whether I like it or not, I’ve been subject to this line of thinking for quite some time. I was listening to a past sermon and was reminded again of this flaw that I have sometimes. Have you ever had that thought? The one where you think, “I worked the hardest, I was here first, I’ve done the most, therefore, I deserve to have what I want. I’ve gone through more than anyone, I’ve sacrificed the most, I had to do more and experience more than anyone else, therefore, I  deserve to have what I want.” The scripture passage this week was in Luke 14:15-24. It was about humility and the parable of the great feast. A table had been prepared for dinner and all those who were invited did not come. The host told his workers to call anyone in, not to reject anyone, whether poor or sick or homeless to eat at the table, because the host did not want to have any empty seats in his house. Sometimes, we think that only certain people are allowed to come “to the table” or be “invited to a great banquet.” The reality is, no one is more entitled…

Life is passing by way too fast! It’s December already and this month as well as last month has been a blur. From my one hour commute to and from work, to countless orientations, computer labs, and training days, the days have been passing by so quickly. And just as this opportunity has appeared in front of me so unexpectedly, I have found myself with other interview opportunities at great hospitals as well. I was in such a slump for two whole months. To have all these opportunities come to me like this is literally the polar opposite of what I felt in those long long days. But you know, even if I’m not where I planned to be, I feel so blessed. Even in my slump days, I was blessed too. I just didn’t see it then. Every closed door I received has led me to where I am today and although multiple doors closed on me, I trusted that God knew what was better for me than I did. And He certainly did not disappoint. Everything feels right in this moment. I’m not as scared as I was before, I’m not as doubtful. This whole experience has instilled…