Almost done with my residency 🙂 Even though I’m scared to be on my own in a couple of weeks, I am sooooo ready to start working on my own. I’ve scheduled myself onto my favorite unit and for the few times I’m off that unit, I’ve made sure to work at the same time as my other co-workers 😛 Who gets to do that? I do 🙂 Perks of being a float nurse in a chronically understaffed hospital! You know, the more I work, the more I get better. The more I work, the more I realize that there’s still sooooo much more that I need to know and figure out. Each day I work, the more I realize that I’m in the right place. Is that bad? To admit that I’m kinda sorta happy? Yeah? Yeah, I low key think so too. The only reason I hesitate to admit it is because of the new found sense of superstition in me as a nurse. Saying things are good preemptively often will result in the complete opposite. For example, you never ever say it’s quiet on the floor. NEVER. Because that next admit’s gonna be a train wreck, and it’s…

So last Thursday marked my 16th shift at work, my halfway point in my residency. I move onto a different unit now since I’m part of a float team. But you know, I’ve grown to love that unit so much. I’ve said it before, nursing is hard, and that unit was no joke. I end the day so tired and there are times where I’ve seriously questioned whether or not I’m able to continue in this career as a bedside nurse. The thing is, it’s the team and the environment that made me like working more than the patient interaction (although I loved working with most of my patients too). It was my co-workers’ support and concern that make me want to still come to work. And it was the culture they carried that made me feel like I was part of something that was creating a bit of positive and goodness in the world. I wasn’t sure if I would ever find that… And my preceptor? Oh mah gulay. My preceptor was by definition a super nurse. My hospital has these 5 values that they believe in, teamwork, wholeness, integrity, compassion and excellence. She embodied all of them and…

(FYI: This post is super duper long.) Congratulations Sasha on having your first mental breakdown as a nurse 😛 AHHHHH! So here was my patient list yesterday: #1: ETOH withdrawal, hallucinating, restrained on all 4 extremities. Never knew the location, what day/time it was, and didn’t even recognize spouse. Needed anti-anxiety meds every 2 hours based on 20 point assessment scale that also needed to be done before giving the med. #2: Terminally ill. Nonverbal the entire stay. Nurses weren’t able to recognize that patient might have been stroking out the day/night before because she’s been so unresponsive. CT’s and MRI’s all day. Neurology, neurosurgery, hematology, oncology, nephrology and palliative care teams writing out orders almost every 30 minutes, meds to give hourly, in and out of her room 3 times for procedures. Always had something abnormal to report/chart. I couldn’t keep up. #3: Had this one for 3 days. Kept asking for pain medication. Has a history of pain med seeking. Just had surgery, so no doubt patient was in pain. But patient has built a tolerance, needs higher dosage now just to keep comfortable since the body’s built a tolerance. Rudest person I’ve ever dealt with, and I had a really hard time…

Hmm. Are life events popping up in your mind and flashing and pausing at significant moments in your life as you ponder at this pretty much pointless question? …because let’s face it, you can’t redo anything even if you really wanted to. Are there scenes still flashing in slow motion? No? Have I watched too many movies?? 😛 Yes. hahaha These are fun things for me to think about, and I’ve already thought about so many things already that I wish I could redo. What if I didn’t play basketball my senior year in high school? Would I have taken those months to really study better and get a better score on my SAT and get into a better college? HMMM… There are people I wish I never met. What if I had grown up in the Philippines and lived closer to my family? What if I never had the friends that I had right now and had a completely different circle of friends in the Philippines? Would my personality be a little different? WOULD I SAY MORE THAN 3 WORDS WHEN IN A CONVERSATION? HMMM… There are paths I wish I would’ve taken. What if I wasn’t a nurse?…

I was just thinking, out of all the big things that have happened in my life, I feel like they were things I didn’t want. 1. College: I didn’t want to go to my school. Nope. Nope. Nope. I wanted the feeling of going to a well-known and prestigious college, I wanted to dorm, I wanted to see what it would be like to live away from home for a little bit. NOPE. Went to my back-up college that was 15 minutes away from home. 2. Career: As I’ve said before, I’ve always wanted to be in the medical profession, but nursing was always something I was hesitant about. I felt pushed by outside factors to choose this profession for the financial stability, flexibility, and the fact that even if bedside nursing doesn’t work out, there’s a crapload of other nursing related jobs that I could fall back on. 3. Hospital: The place I work at is 55 miles away from home. I commute to work each day. It wasn’t my first choice at all and it was one of those situations where I heard about a hiring event, said hey, what do I have to lose (a.k.a. this is…