Today, I was re-inspired by what Pastor Ken talked about in today’s message. Love. Simple right? You’d like to think so. Just like my other post, it seems like people have forgotten what love is. Today it’s seen as that lovey dovey, walking on sunshine, butterflies in stomach kind of love. The kind of love you want to have and want to give. The kind that is easy. Well guess what, that’s not the kind of love God is talking about. It’s that unconditional, UNCOMFORTABLE kind of love that we need to give. Mmmhmm. Uncomfortable is definitely the appropriate word. It’s funny, because I’m fighting with this teaching as we speak. There are many people I’ve become angry with, many people I don’t want to love. All I want to do is shun them from my life and forget they even exist. And yet, God is expecting me to love these people anyway. Why? To simply put it, it’s because God loved us unconditionally. We don’t even deserve God’s love. We really don’t. And yet He has given it to us anyway. What are we doing with this love that He’s given? We selectively choose who deserves love. We become…

So my church, Evergreen Baptist Church of Los Angeles, is going through a discernment process this summer about an incredibly controversial topic: LGBT Christians. In most churches, this is one of the most “hush-hush” topics that are either avoided by ministers or brushed to the side as something so blatantly obvious that consideration of its resolve would be a waste of time. But for the longest time, I’ve found it to be one of the greatest hypocrisies of my religion, to supposedly love your neighbor, to love everyone, because God first loved us… except for the LGBT community because they don’t count. They’re not people, they are second class citizens in society and in religion. Go ahead and love everyone else except for them. I’ve had conversations with my family about this before, and I always felt persecuted for siding with gays and lesbians. They’re people too, aren’t they? Even with their sexual preferences, not all of them are bad people and a lot of them are actually amazingly awesome people who do God’s work, just like any other heterosexual person. I’m so happy that Pastor Ken is such an obedient servant of God, because this is something that definitely…

It’s reflection time with Sasha again 😛 I’ve been rereading Eckhart Tolle’s  “A Good Earth,” and in doing so I’ve been trying to get myself out of a worldly place and more into a place where I have more security with who I am and where I am in my own spirituality. It’s gotten to a point where I had to re-examine my own actions, in terms of how I spend my time, where I spend my money, and the people I stay close to. Let’s just say, I’ve disappointed myself in all areas and now I want to get my priorities lined up once again. This time though, I’m starting with myself. Why? Every action I’ve made in the past 20 years of my life has been for other people. It’s not that I tend to be self-sacrificial, but more of, I don’t want to disappoint others and their happiness pretty much is more important than mine, no matter how much I end up hurting myself. I guess that’s why it’s so easy for me to let go of things that don’t go my way… cuz rarely do things every go my way, and stay that way. And even…

End of my 2nd year in nursing. I feel like I’ve changed so much. Just looking back at how I was before, how I handled my problems, how far I pushed myself…. it’s all built up to who I am right now. I said before, that I am excited to see how much I have grown… but as life gets hard and people start to change… you can’t help but be surprised at how different life has shaped you to be. I make it sound like it’s a bad thing, but it’s really not. I feel stronger. Definitely wiser. I feel more resilient and determined. Last year I broke down hard. This year, the same thing that broke me down is not affecting me nearly as much as it did before. See? I’ve evolved 😛 I don’t know what to say about all of this, but I’m happy. I feel ready for new things.

I’m trying to change. I’m trying so hard. But right now something in me doesn’t feel quite right and I can’t pinpoint exactly what the problem is. This inner struggle I am feeling is … different. Usually, I can be objective enough about my feelings and actions to know what exactly is bothering me and what I can do to change it so that I can move forward. But this time, I can’t. The past week I’ve been so angry and frustrated and at the end of the day I’m just so tired. Dear God, I don’t know why my heart is aching so much right now. I don’t know why my mind is drawing so much negativity. I don’t understand why I’m so depressed and tired at the end of the day. But I trust that there is a reason for all of this. I know that even though I don’t know what is bothering me, I know that you do. I know that you are the only remedy to my suffering right now and I’m drawing strength from my confidence that you know what is best for me and that you are molding me into the person that…