You know, one of the biggest things that I’ve learned in my life is pursuing and preserving a sense of community, whether this is at church, at school, or within your circle of friends and family. Why? Good question. At first I thought, the world is such a crazy, lonely, and harsh world. Why not build relationships of support, guidance, and love? Why not create these circles that we can depend on in time of need? Pretty ambitious, huh? The problem is, not everyone thinks this way. This harsh world that I’m talking about? It’s hurt a lot of people and not a lot of people see things the way I do. It makes them close up, it makes them depend on only themselves, even when they really do want that shoulder to lean on. And so my next point is, why should I even care then? Why do I care so much to have everyone feel included and supported? Are they returning the favor? No. Do I benefit from it? Not that I know of. Not directly anyway. That’s part of the problem though. People have lost sight of that selflessness and that sacrificial love that God gifted us…
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Denial
Graduation is coming up super fast 🙂 Well, the nerves haven’t gone away and I’m just anxious-excited-scared-hopeful-happy that this day has finally come. But a new set of emotions have creeped up behind me and I can’t help but feel a bit sad. I actually feel like I’ve put off these feelings for a long time and have hidden under all the stresses of nursing school and life. And then all of a sudden, just like today, it hits me, real hard, and I don’t know quite what to do with it all. It started when the officers for our class were trying to figure out seating arrangements for our Pinning Ceremony. So of course, I automatically thought, Mommy, Daddy, and CJ. I don’t really want anyone else there, at least, I don’t think so. But then, I started thinking of all the people I wish could be there. I guess I didn’t realize how sad I was about this until I talked to Lola and she was saying how much she wished she could come see me at my graduation. Or when I started thinking about how much I wish Auntie Ruby could have come to see me. I…
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Hesitate
It’s March and do you know what that means? It’s application season! I’m starting to compile all the New Grad programs that I want to try to get into and I’m rushing to finalize my resumes and letters of recommendation and cover letters and all those other things I need to apply… It’s stressful because I want to apply everywhere. I want to maximize my chances of getting into a program and I’m going to do whatever it takes. But now that I reflect back on that mindset, I’m starting to hesitate. Am I really a good fit for this hospital? Is this somewhere I can see myself working in for the next 5 years? What can I offer this hospital that other new grads can’t?? To be good enough for these huge hospitals is my conundrum and I’m hesitating on whether or not I should apply to them when my decision to do so is half-hearted.. After all, to choose any path half-heartedly and to have that much doubt is almost like saying you wouldn’t want to pursue that path, right? In basketball, if I had any hesitation in my shot, I knew to stop that shot because I…
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Freeze
I keep having these moments when I’m deep in thought where I have a “freeze” moment. You know, like the ones in the movies where everything stops except for the main character and everything is frozen. Well mine happen for just a split second and in the second I’ve been consistently thinking about how fast my life is moving. It’s really moving quite fast actually. And then I have that thought that hits me square in the forehead where I think, HOLY CRAP I’M GROWING UP WAY TOO FAST. WHERE. DID. ALL. THE. TIME. GO. This coincidentally happens to occur right around birthday month too. It’s crazy because most of my life I’ve been planning. It’s more of, “ok today I need to do this, this, and this. By this day I have to have that finished. In a month, I should have completed this…” I don’t get too much time to look and see how much I’ve actually accomplished until I’m all the way finished with so many things, and then I have that weird moment that I just mentioned. I’m near the end of my nursing program and I keep having those moments, but all of the things…
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Shhh I’m thinking…
Sasha, you’re so quiet. You’re a really quiet person, huh? I don’t see you talk a lot. Well thanks everyone for stating the obvious. At a certain point, you do get tired of this. Yes, I’m quiet. Yes, I’ve always been like this. For a long time, I would be insecure about this and as a result, I would try to be “loud” and outspoken. These kind of comments made me so insecure that I would try changing myself just so that people would stop labeling me as the quiet one. They made it sound like such a bad thing. You see, what people don’t realize is that I am very happy being quiet. I enjoy it so much. When you spend time listening and observing, you learn a lot more from life. You notice things, things people don’t see. And I love that. While people might think my quiet nature is a weakness, I find it to be my strength, my greatest asset. My quietness branches out to a plethora of different traits that I am so proud of. I know I’m a good listener. I know that I can be trusted with a secret. I can say things…