One of the easiest and hardest things to develop in any relationship is trust. It’s one of life’s paradoxes. But there are a few obvious things I want to point out… 1) Don’t be afraid to trust someone. With any person’s history, this can be extremely difficult. For me, it’s still a struggle. It’s also often a defense mechanism to put up walls for people to work to break down so that we don’t experience the hurt that we’ve felt in the past. But here’s my two cents. Don’t be afraid to trust. It is overwhelming, frustrating, and tiring putting up walls. Believe me, I’ve done it my entire life. It takes a lot of effort to maintain these walls as well. And guess what else? In a relationship where we need to extend trust, it’s not the person who extends the trust who is at fault, it is the one who breaks it… it’s the person who did not value the relationships in the first place, it’s the person who took you for granted, it’s the person who did not realize how important your trust is in the first place. So I offer this advice to comfort you and…
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Under Pressure
I was taking a really long walk today. Sometimes, when I wander off alone, I get some kind of clarity. You don’t understand how therapeutic it is for me to just all of a sudden leave my cave, feel the warm sun, and just sit somewhere pretty and just take in simple beauties that I happen to see. It’s just because… I had one of those moments where I overthink, overthink, overthink… and then I panic and overwhelm myself with the endless possibilities I think of. I’m feeling so pressured right now. And unlike any pressure I felt like before, I can’t seem to get out of this negativity that I’m feeling. So here’s the situation: I’m still waiting for a job. And as each day goes by and as each classmate I have get offers for jobs, I’m here wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I keep going back, looking at my mistakes, thinking of all the things I wish I had done differently… maybe I should have gotten a CNA job, maybe I shouldn’t have taken on so many jobs, maybe I should have been more disciplined, maybe I should have taken more initiative to talk…
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First Rejection
Just got rejected from my first potential nursing job (supersadface). I made it to the final interview but I didn’t make the cut. But you know what, I really saw this coming. I knew I wouldn’t get it, not because I didn’t believe in myself or anything like that, but because it would’ve been too good to be true. First interview, at an awesome hospital, with someone you know on the panel? Don’t call me a pessimist or think that I’m being bitter, but I never envisioned myself really working there and was doubtful from the very beginning. And of course, there were too many other factors involved as well: waaaaay too far, it was only a part-time position, I never had a clinical there, I didn’t know anything about the hospital, or its working culture and so on and so forth. And of course, it just didn’t feel right. It still stings like crazy though, and considering that I felt pretty prepared for rejection, I still felt horribly about not getting the offer. It just got me thinking though, about how much God is looking out for me. I’m 100% sure He is preparing me for something better. I…
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IT’S OFFICIAL
After studying my butt off for about 47 days, I have officially passed the NCLEX! I’m the first nurse in the family! YAY! At the end of it, I really did fry my brain. I was a wreck, nervous for no reason, and fatigued beyond anything I’ve ever felt before. Overwhelmed was an understatement. But it’s over! And now the next mountain to climb is finding a job. I’ve been praying fervently about this and I trust that God is working on something for me, even if it seems like I’m waiting for nothing at this point. I’ve been memorizing interview questions and looking at my resume a few times a day. I know that just like the NCLEX, I’m worrying for no reason, but hey, it’s me. I’m a true blue worry wart. So that’s my super brief praise report! I’m extremely proud of myself and what I’ve accomplished. I’m thankful for everything I’ve gone through to get here, even if I was miserable during the process. I’m happy for the people I’ve met along the way, the lessons I’ve learned, and the relationships I was able to maintain til the end of it all. I’m really excited for…
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Serve Others
I was blessed with another great sermon by Pastor Ken. You don’t even know how many times God has affirmed myself and my thoughts through the words of my pastor and this Sunday, I was reminded of my mission and purpose in life. This week has been hard for me in different ways and I was experiencing a lot of doubt. Studying for NCLEX is hard. Waiting for job interviews is hard. But it just goes to show that God always has your back, even if it’s not blantantly obvious in every single situation. So going back to Pastor Ken’s message, it was about serving others. Wow, you were probably expecting it to be profound, huh? Well, the most profound messages are the most simplest, and sometimes even the simplest of messages are the most difficult to carry out in reality. But he was talking about churches and their missions, how they start off with the purpose of service and sacrifice and kind of end up with a mentality of survival. I’m oversimplifying everything of course and just mentioning the points that resonated with me, but isn’t it true? He also mentioned that even if a church should die out,…