Entitlement. Whether I like it or not, I’ve been subject to this line of thinking for quite some time. I was listening to a past sermon and was reminded again of this flaw that I have sometimes. Have you ever had that thought? The one where you think, “I worked the hardest, I was here first, I’ve done the most, therefore, I deserve to have what I want. I’ve gone through more than anyone, I’ve sacrificed the most, I had to do more and experience more than anyone else, therefore, I  deserve to have what I want.” The scripture passage this week was in Luke 14:15-24. It was about humility and the parable of the great feast. A table had been prepared for dinner and all those who were invited did not come. The host told his workers to call anyone in, not to reject anyone, whether poor or sick or homeless to eat at the table, because the host did not want to have any empty seats in his house. Sometimes, we think that only certain people are allowed to come “to the table” or be “invited to a great banquet.” The reality is, no one is more entitled…

Life is passing by way too fast! It’s December already and this month as well as last month has been a blur. From my one hour commute to and from work, to countless orientations, computer labs, and training days, the days have been passing by so quickly. And just as this opportunity has appeared in front of me so unexpectedly, I have found myself with other interview opportunities at great hospitals as well. I was in such a slump for two whole months. To have all these opportunities come to me like this is literally the polar opposite of what I felt in those long long days. But you know, even if I’m not where I planned to be, I feel so blessed. Even in my slump days, I was blessed too. I just didn’t see it then. Every closed door I received has led me to where I am today and although multiple doors closed on me, I trusted that God knew what was better for me than I did. And He certainly did not disappoint. Everything feels right in this moment. I’m not as scared as I was before, I’m not as doubtful. This whole experience has instilled…

There was something that my pastor said this past Sunday that gave me an “AHA” moment. It wasn’t even something that he was emphasizing, it wasn’t even a point on his message. But it was about change. He said that when leading change, you also need to lead people through the grief over change. People are moving away from their normal, their comfort zone, their security. Even though the forthcoming change may be a brighter and better chapter in his or her life, it requires that we let go of what we once held on to, it requires moving away from what we were once comfortable with. And that, that is not an easy thing to do for anyone. So that got me thinking over the last few months and the change that I was experiencing in my life, the grief I was apparently in and the hesitancy I had over embracing the change I was going through. I had not realized that the sadness I was feeling was attributed to this change in my life, but reflecting back on it, I realize that’s exactly what was happening. Friends left and right were starting to work. I thought that I…

I am a person that likes to run on empty. Growing up, I was the type to keep giving and volunteering and helping. At church, I was always in the kitchen the morning before service prepping for communion, or upstairs in the media booth projecting the slides for worship. At home, I was cleaning the house by myself, doing the laundry and ironing everyone’s clothes. When I was playing basketball, I was the first one to practice, the first one to be ready and warming up, and the last one to leave the court, getting in as many shots as I could before I was kicked off. At school, I was volunteering for everything. I did the work no one wanted to do, I made sure everyone was happy and okay, I made sure everything was running smoothly even if my mind was bouncing off the walls. I’m a giver, a worker, a fixer, a mediator, and almost always, I am overwhelmed, tired, and frustrated. That is the complex that I have, and as a nurse I’ve realized that a personality like that won’t last long. I’m always giving and giving, and my cup is already always being depleted. Regardless…

Guess what? I have a job. PCA position, not an RN position though. I took the opportunity anyway and it’s a step into a good teaching hospital. I’ll most likely transition into their RN positions in a couple months into their ICU and step-down units, floors that I have a sincere interest in. While working as PCA, I can reinforce some nursing fundamentals and learn to appreciate the nursing assistant staff as well. Either way, the experiences will only make me a better nurse. It’s not what I had in mind at all, but I trust that this all happening for a good reason. It’s absolutely crazy what God is doing in my life. I still can’t figure out what He really wants me to do. But slowly, all of the things He’s laying out in my life are starting to come to fruition. This hospital has a program that I’ve been looking at for about a year now. I have the feeling that I might be heading towards that direction for my career path and nursing niche. I definitely have to pray about it. It’s a big commitment and an incredibly small niche in nursing. It’s something I have to be…