If you couldn’t tell, I really like the work I do. I love being a nurse and I can’t imagine doing anything else in my life. I love the challenge, I love the science, I love that I know I’m making a difference. That being said, the thought that I love this work so much scares me sometimes. What if I got hurt and couldn’t be a nurse anymore? What if some freak event ended with me losing my license? What would happen to me if the one thing that makes up such a big part of my identity – was gone? I recently started reading Tao Te Ching. It’s a book about Taoism which is a Chinese philosophy (I’ve been reading a lot about these minimalist philosophies – Baghavad Gita and Marcus Aurelius’ Stoicism are a couple more that I’m looking into too). It’s been helping me realize that I need to be less attached to things like this… There was a couple things in just the first two chapter that left a really big impression (it also made me really confused because it is too meta): “Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets…
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That New New
I have officially taught my first quarter as a new clinical instructor! I teach fundamentals and introduction to med/surg skills lab and let me tell you, it has been the weirdest transition I never expected. There are a lot of things I’ve though about as I chose this path in nursing, like why I wanted to pursue this, why I think it’s important, and of course, whether or not I think I’m capable of making the impact I want to make. I find myself constantly reminding myself of these things as I go through these challenges… Many of the things that make this transition weird is because I still look like a baby nurse. I never like wearing my lab coat, but I wear it because I need to stand out from my students (I really still look like I’m still a student when I’m standing next to them). And like I said in my last post about the workshop too, most of the educators I work with are much more experienced and seasoned – the age gap is that wide. Now the pros and cons of this situation are pretty significant too. I really like that I’m a younger…
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NLN Faculty Intensive
This past June, I took another mind changing conference with the National League for Nursing at their headquarters in Washington DC. I had a great experience at the previous summit, so I thought, this is a good investment in myself and will help prepare me more for the role as clinical instructor/educator at my new job. I wasn’t wrong. In the weeks heading up to this event, I had really pushed my management to let me go to this event. I needed approved vacation time, and I didn’t have it. I talked to my assistant nurse manager and then I talked to my manager… and then I had to talk to them again. It frustrated me that I had to work this hard for something that was supposed to be an investment in myself. I don’t know that I’ve ever fought for something like this before, and it helped me realize that I don’t always need to back down. If I want it to happen, I can make a way. From the get-go, I was blown away just by the participants in this workshop. I was surrounded by doctorally prepared DNP’s and Ph.D’s – many were deans and directors at…
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My Broken Blanket
In my small group last week, I shared something I don’t usually share with others. Just a while ago, I had to hide a bunch of my old posts. They were the reflective, depressing, conflicted posts that I posted on here once in a while… they were therapeutic in the moment, but they were quite sad when I reread them. They went back as far as the very beginning of this blog site in 2009… I guess I didn’t realize that I was probably having a bunch of problems that were a lot deeper. The past two to three years have been hard for me and this past year was probably the most mentally challenging. So for the first time, I looked for help. Going back to my small group, one of the last questions we discussed was on the notion of letting go and how we know when that is the right time… this entire past year I’ve struggled with maintaining my friendships and trying to open myself and ready myself for potential new relationships… as a result of my own problems, I’ve pushed a lot of people I care about away… at the same time, the people I…
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New Year, Know You
It’s a new year again. After many failed resolutions, a difficult 2018, and a fuzzy future, I decided to look at the new year slightly different. The theme? New Year, Know You. The “You” takes on a double meaning, alluding to the “You” which is me, and the “You” which is God. I have accomplished many goals that I thought would take a little longer to complete and this past year, despite being very proud of my accomplishments, I found myself very lost and a bit disappointed. I thought that I would be something or someone else after accomplishing my nursing goals, I thought I would be a better person or a better nurse. I didn’t feel either. So my next step is shaping me into a stronger and more confident me. I really believe that I’ve always known what kind of person I am, what I stand for, and who I want to be. While it is a slow back and forth process, I do believe that day by day I get closer to what I envision myself to be. So while it isn’t really a new goal, I want to get back to reinforcing and strengthening the “me” that…